A shock to my heart..

(copied from MD)
posted 8/15/2006 7:38:26 PM

So I'm about to do the one thing you shouldn't do on a dating site... the unpardonable sin so to speak of dating etiquette.. I am about to bare my soul.... to share my "feelings" about something that happened today. If there are any men reading this .... and you are interested in me.. ya might want to STOP reading NOW before you see me at a bad place in my life! Today... I found out that my ex-boyfriend... is seeing someone. I know that since we have called things off in a romantic way and have just been friends I shouldn't have let this bother me... I know you're thinking "She's not over him YET????" I truly thought I wasn't... because when I saw that he had updated his profile it was like a knife being pushed through my heart... thinking he found someone and it wasn't me really hurt like hell..... and I lashed out and said some things to him that I may regret.... hell I do regret... (don't tell my mom I'm swearing like a sailor.. she'd be upset! ... but sometimes it's necessary!!!!!) BUT to defend myself..... I think that it would have been nice of him to tell me to my face that he has found happiness. After all we are friends... I thought so anyway. Maybe I was wrong on that too?No, I don't think I am wrong on that.. he is actually a much better friend to me then boyfriend and that's probably why it wouldn't have worked between us anyway... Well there's other reasons but I am not going to air that dirty laundry on here it's definately not right. Anyway.. so I lashed out... cried... sought comfort from a few awesome friends.. who by now are thinking GOOD GRIEF let him go already... But instead of saying this to me they told me that I would be ok... that I just had to deal with my feelings. And they are right... I got myself together... dried the tears and went to answer the phone... Oh Lovely... it's my ex-husband... he asked me how I was... OH NO wrong question... the tears started flowing... I started blubbering like an idiot ... and he offered kind words... and great advice... "F*ck him... if he doesn't know what a wonderful woman you are he didn't deserve you anyway..." (hm... I wonder if he feels that way about him tossing me aside as well??? ) After that comment I realized..... First.. not all men are idiots... second my ex husband always seems to be there when I need a friend (he wasn't when we were married- funny how people change) and has never judged my decisions or questioned why I loved someone who obviously didn't love me back... maybe because he was in the same boat not too long ago... So after some deep soul searching... I have decided that I am over my ex-boyfriend. I think the shock of not being told in person and the jealousy (yes I think I am jealous- I admitted it now stop naggin! lol) just really over took my senses for a moment or two... but I am fine now and I can honestly say I wish him all the best and MGS if you read this... I am sorry for the horrible things I said to you and I do want you to be happy..... I hope you will forgive me and accept my friendship. And to anyone else reading this... I know this isn't the type of blog I'd normally write because it does bare my soul and my short comings... and a few other things... but it can also show you I love with my whole heart, forgive easily and cherish friendships forever.